Belated Stupid Beer News

Beer historian Alan Eames is dead at 59.

"He used to say that beer is food, nourishing to the body and the soul," [his wife] said.

Amen. Let's raise a pint of Dead Guy Ale in his honor.

Annoying holy roller types protest people drinking beer at a restaurant -- and a tiki one, at that -- next door to a church.

"Anywhere you have alcohol you are going to have fights. Next thing you know, people will be vomiting on the church steps," Balducci said.

Landsberg said he already has canceled upcoming youth events such as lock-ins and Boy Scout meetings for fear of people wandering from the restaurant to his church after having one too many.

"If we've got drunken patrons from the tiki bar coming over, it could endanger our children," Landsberg said.

They have a point. After a few beers, there's nothing I like better than fighting kids and puking on churches.

But maybe the grave threat to the church could be averted if the tiki bar installs these snazzy new talking urinal cakes.

"Hey big guy, having a few drinks? Then listen up!" a voice chirps in. "Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home."

All they need to do is reprogram them to say something like, "Hey sinner, partaking of the devil juice? Be sure to steer clear of God's house and His children, lest you be smitten down where you stumble."