Breaking News: Michigan to Announce New Coach

According to sources close to the athletic department... Tanned, rested, ready:

"I'm happy to be the new coach for the foosball team of Minn... uh, Missou... is it Michigan? Yeah. South Michigan. Let's go out and get some 'W's. Get it? Like my middle initial? Also stands for winning. And that's what we plan to do here. Get some Ws over our rivals. Like those bastards in the Upper Penicillin and Northern Mississippi and the Green Bay Packers. You watch. But not on my watch. Losing, I mean. Heh. Heh."

Hello, 0-12.