Fall 2006 Bowling League Report

It's been a rags-to-riches-to-drinking-Sterno-in-the-gutter roller coaster ride of pin-busting strikes, inopportune gutter balls, laser-guided pickups, and headache-inducing splits. A regular Cinderella story, only it includes the part of the story where Cinderella's in her mid-40s, 150 pounds overweight, addicted to crack, and working a shit job to care for her six squalling brats while Prince Charming, disinherited for the very public scandal known throughout the kingdom only as "Goatgate," sits on his ass eating pork rinds and downloading Internet porn.

Hey, I'm just trying to capture the spirit of the thing.

So, yeah, after busting out to an early first-place lead -- the zenith of which was in October with an asskicking, nigh-untouchable 23-5 record -- our team collectively caught the dreaded suck flu and we've been unable to recover. It looks like we're going to be limping into third or fourth place with a rather less impressive 34-27 finish. My final average will still resemble that of an untrained chimpanzee. We feel shame.

Damn. I was already clearing a spot on my toilet for another trophy, but it looks like that will have to wait at least until winter league, when I hope the suck flu clears up and we get back to delivering a world of pain to our opponents. A world. Of. Pain.