Friday, November 17, 2006

Columbus Delenda Est V: (Cl)ass Clowns

Are they born assholes?OK, let's talk about class.

You know, the thing that Ohio State students rarely attend and Buckeye fans completely lack.

I know I'm beating a dead horse at this point, but it can't be overemphasized how obsessive, uncouth, idiotic, and just plain lame the typical OSU goon is.

Exhibit A. The Detroit News has an article on Michigan fans living in "Ohio's version of Baghdad." Telling excerpts:

An Ohio State administrator wrote a column in the school paper Wednesday asking students not to assault Michiganians, vandalize cars, set fires or riot like they did the last time their school played in such a big game....

[Vice President of Student Affairs Rich] Hollingsworth told a reporter that, after the September fires, he was horrified to hear a student explain that that was how Ohio State students honor the team: "This is what we do."
The Columbus Dispatch writes about what it's like for "traitors" -- Columbus guys who played for Michigan then moved back to their native shithole, for God knows what reason:
"They’ll toilet paper my yard in Blacklick," [former Michigan defensive back Jeff] Reeves said with a laugh. "I know they will. That’s OK, I’m fine with it. It’s about class. Michigan fans have class. Ohio State fans have a one-track mind: football and drinking beer. Win or lose, those idiots will tear up the city."
Exhibit B. Now just take a look at this dipshit's website and go down the list. Stupid, annoying music that sounds like it came Moronsfrom a Commodore 64 SID player? Check. "Design" reminiscent of a 12-year-old's Geocities/Angelfire homepage from 1997? Check. Crude pictures, violence, and plenty of references to pissing on Michigan things? Check. (What is the deal with that last item anyway -- don't they have toilets in Ohio?)

I begin to wonder if a Michigan fan didn't put this site up just to make Buckeyes look retarded. But no, Buckeyes need no help in that department.

Exhibit C. A Michigan blogger explores the differences in literacy and intelligence between the two fan bases when it comes to sign creation and library smack talk. It's always nice when you can remind Bucknuts that one of their favorite traditions -- the script Ohio -- was actually started by the Michigan band. (Bucknut response: LOL!!!1 scUM IS LAYM!11)

Fuk Mishigan!Exhibit D. Ann Arbor is a whore. Hahaha. Get it? The kind of cleverness that could come only from East Lansing. But Bucknuts add their own particular brand of white-trash thugitude to come up with an even more hi-larious t-shirt (click on the back view). Only problem is that it's the wrong style of shirt. Now get me another beer, bitch, unless you want another black eye!

The list could go all the way to Exhibit Z, but for now I have to take a break. Or a shower. Just talking about Buckeye fans makes me feel dirty.