Thursday, August 07, 2008

McCain, Obama Name Each Other As Running Mates

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) -- In an unexpected move, Republican presidential nominee John McCain and his Democratic opponent, Barack Obama, announced today they were choosing each other as their respective running mates.

"With both the current Republican president and Democrat-majority Congress sporting record low approval ratings, we figured it's just one more sign that the American people have caught on to the fact there's no difference between either party, and certainly no difference between Senator Obama and myself," McCain said at a joint appearance at the National Press Club.

"I've been running on the themes of 'change' and 'hope,' but, hell, it's 2008. You can't fool anyone with that bullshit anymore," agreed Obama.

Speculation about who the candidates would select as their prospective vice presidents has been ramping up as the Republican and Democratic national conventions approach. Rumors had Obama picking his former primary opponent, Hillary Clinton, but sources within the campaign discounted the idea.

"Like the rest of the country, the senator hates that bitch," said an Obama spokesman who asked to remain anonymous.

Echoing his overall campaign strategy, McCain was believed to be clueless and disinterested in the search for a running mate.

"I'm glad to have Senator Obama as my running mate, so now we can focus on our common goal of defeating our opponent and making America awesome again, or something" McCain told the crowd of several hundred reporters.

The candidates have worked out a unique deal where, if elected, they would serve not as president and vice president, but as co-presidents, with McCain taking Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays and Obama serving Tuesdays, Thursdays, and -- because Muslims do not keep the Sabbath -- Sundays. Fridays would be split evenly.

Observers say the McCain-Obama ticket represents an interesting innovation in democracy.

"On the one hand, this should encourage Americans always grumbling about the 'same old, same old' in politics," said Bartholomew Glump, professor of political science at the University of Phoenix. "Unfortunately, on the other hand, Americans who complain about not having a real choice kind of have a point."

The candidates, meanwhile, are clearly looking ahead.

"When we are sworn in as president and president on January 20, Senator Obama and I will rock America," said McCain. "And Iraq. And Iran. And Afghanistan and Pakistan. And maybe China and Russia and North Korea, too."

"Yes, we can," added Obama.