Friday, August 29, 2008

Gimme That New Old-Time Religion!

When I heard who Michigan's first opponent in the Glorious New Rodriguez Era (GNRE) would be, I reacted much like Fred "Herman Munster" Gwynne:

The Utah hwhut?

That's right, it's the Utah Utes, a name I would openly mock except it's derived from an Indian tribe, and I don't want to piss those people off. Haven't they suffered enough?

But I will make fun of Mormons, because I have to make fun of someone and it's not politically incorrect (yet) to make fun of Mormons.

So who are these people, and can they play football?

A little In-depth Google Research (IGR) turned up the fact that the Utah Utes football team exists and is actually considered to be pretty good. They went undefeated in 2004 and went on to stomp Pitt in the 2005 Fiesta Bowl.

But that was under evil coaching genius Urban Meyer, now evilly coaching in Florida. Last year, the Utes went to one of the crappiest bowls, the Poinsettia, and barely beat Navy, who admittedly were experiencing a renaissance under other evil coaching genius Paul Johnson, now at Georgia Tech.

Michigan's only previous meeting with the Utes was in 2002, when the Wolverines edged them out 10-7 on their home turf.

In other words, I have No Freaking Clue (NFC) what to expect tomorrow, apart from my own drunkenness. Instead, I'll just post poorly manipulated images created with Microsoft Paint and laugh at Mormons because they wear funny magic underwear and believe when they die they get to rule their own planet and polygamy and angels named Moroni and stuff. Ha ha ha!

So, uh, yeah, anyway, in this mighty clash of civilizations pitting the dark forces of Mormonofascism against the enlightened army of Rodriguez's Regulars, I hope I leave the Big House tomorrow with a smile, knowing that Right prevailed. But I'll be wearing my magic Michigan underwear just in case.