Here is a riddle for you all. Let's say there are two single guys, about the same age (mid-30s), both named Dave. They live in the same town, a place we'll call Arbor Ann. It breaks down like this:
Dave #1
- Never been married, has no kids
- Lives alone with pets
- Employed full-time in a regular job
- Modest income, has no debt, not even car payments
- Pays bills on time, good credit rating
- Intelligent, articulate, well read
- A bit shy, but enjoys good conversation and good company
- Likes to host parties and hang out with friends and drink, but usually keeps it in perspective (has never affected his job or other obligations)
- Mostly stable and dependable
- Wears glasses, has a beer belly, not grossly overweight or ugly
- Wants to be a novelist
- Never been married, has a child with previous gal pal (who has custody)
- Lives with roommates, after being kicked out (and/or taken to court by) two previous sets of roommates/landlords
- Has been fired from three of last four jobs, with the fourth probably only a matter of time
- Perpetually broke, owes money to practically everyone foolish enough to house him or "lend" him anything
- In fact, needs his mother to co-sign for him just to get a cell phone
- In fact, still owes Dave #1 $275 from when he bailed him out of jail a year ago for not paying child support
- In fact, his own parents won't give him any more money
- Fairly intelligent but has underdeveloped conscience, sense of responsibility, and work ethic
- Possibly a borderline alcoholic
- Given to bursts of childish emotionalism
- Outgoing, occasionally charming, above-average looks
- Career plan involves outliving his parents, hopefully inheriting money
Hint #1: That first part about getting laid all over town, it's not Dave #1.
Hint #2: Dave #1 is me.
Hint #3: Dave #2 is indeed a real person, no exaggerating.
Give up? Of course Dave #2 gets laid all over town and Dave #1 can't get the time of day! Dave #2 is better looking, see? Duh!
If you guessed right, you either know how to think like a typical stupid woman, or else you are one!* Hooray!
* If the latter, before you ask, yes, I can give you Dave #2's phone number (if his cell phone hasn't been taken away again) -- just shoot me an email. Sigh.
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