Return of the Son of Stupid Beer News, Part II

And now to update the old "Stupid Beer News" department that I've sadly neglected, despite many swell links sent to me by Verd and others.

• First up, this story of fatherly tenderness. Let's see, my kids or beer... kids or beer... it's a no-brainer! Stupid Beer News commends this man's dedication -- to drinking.
  
  
• Next, make sure that your beer is gay-approved! (Hint: it better begin with a "B" and end in an "ud Light.")
  
  
• Even wildlife prefer microbrews to mass-produced swill. No word yet on if the BATF is planning to shoot the underaged imbiber.
  
  
• And finally, speaking of wildlife, from the "Who Would Steal This?" sub-department comes a tale of missing moose urine. Well, if Mexicans actually drink Corona instead of just exporting it, I reckon this would at least be a step up.
  

That's all the news that's fit to drink. 'Til next time....

Ann Arbor Full of Itself? Naa...

Speaking of Ann Arbor Is Overrated, this t-shirt was spied in a downtown store window:

London
Paris
Rome
Ann Arbor

Okay, I dig Ann Arbor, but that's, like, going a bit overboard, don't ya think?

Offensive Oriental

The original "Only in Ann Arbor," which I emailed to most of my two readers, is my favorite to date -- this stunningly ridiculous comment found on an AA-related blog:

"I'd post more, but I have a big meeting this afternoon with Parker Brothers. Ms Strayer and I are trying to get Oriental Avenue taken off the Monopoly board."

Fighting the Man

And from the newly inaugurated "Only in Ann Arbor"* department, an ad found recently during a stroll downtown:


*This new department's name is not to be taken 100% literally, as I am fully aware that this sort of goofiness can be found in pretty much any college town.

Back in the Saddle

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been busy. Anyway, as you'll notice, the graphics are back, ported over to my new Comcast cyber-wasteland of crap. My apartment is still a wreck, but it looks more and more like an adult human lives here every day. Moving is always a good way to help you realize how much crap you have. Moving into a really small apartment is an even better way to help you realize how much crap you have.

So, I love Ann Arbor. Here's one, really simple measure of how happy I am to have made this move. Ann Arbor. See? The name is melodic, alliterative. It is even pleasant to look at on the page (or the screen). It rolls off the tongue; it promises a fun, interesting time (and it generally delivers). You’re happy to tell people you live in Ann Arbor.

Okay, now look. Midland. Even the name of that boring-ass city is boring-ass. Midland? Middle Land? No one could think of anything better? To make it even more pathetic, Midland is not even in the middle of the state. It's more like "Kinda-Eastland." And beyond that, if you say "Midland," people think you're from Texas and you love George W. Bush.

But Ann Arbor? There aren't any more Ann Arbors in other states. People know exactly where you mean. And what's more, this city has a (I think) national reputation as a cool place. So, by extension, if you live in Ann Arbor, well, you must be cool.

So there you have it. I moved here because I have a desperate need to be perceived as cool. Actually, that's probably not all that far off the mark. Last week at Arbor Brewing, I told my waiter I just moved here from Midland. He didn't say anything like "Oh, I drove through Midland once" (which is the usual response), but he did laugh knowingly and say, "Welcome to Ann Arbor." In Midland, I not only lived in a deadly dull place, but I was so far away I couldn't easily go see my friends and family, and vice versa. So, what the hell, I move to Ann Arbor, and I hope to get more people to visit me, since I am in a cool place and also a lot closer.

I mean, shit, no one even has to actually like me, right? Ann Arbor is a destination in and of itself, in a way that a place like Midland never was and never will be, even if it was right next door to Detroit. So people will come see me because I live in Ann Arbor, and maybe it will help stave off the loneliness, a little.

Welcome to Ann Arbor, indeed.

Lame

Greg has the whole week off of work, and he can't update his blog. What a jerk.

Freudian Slip

Finally, Bush says something that's true:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," Bush said.

Dumb-ocracy

I can't resist calling your attention to this fine piece by Fred Reed on the foolishness called "voting."

Screw-monia

So here's the "me" update for anyone reading who I don't talk to regularly:

My dinky new apartment in Ann Arbor became available Friday, July 16. I moved a few things over by myself on Saturday, expecting to do more with Steve's help on Sunday and Monday. However, on Sunday, the pneumonia I had somehow contracted began springing into full bloom and I was pretty much bedridden until Wednesday, when it became obvious that I didn't have the flu and it wasn't going away.

So it was off to the doctor, who took a chest x-ray and then promptly sent me to the ER at Wyandotte hospital, which became my home for the next six days. I enjoyed fabulous cuisine, exquisite antibiotics (administered intravenously), and charming company in the form of a roommate who snored louder than even my dad, who I once believed held the record for world's loudest snorer.

After being released, I was told (and my lungs confirm) that I would not be able to exert myself much for potentially the next month. Which, of course, complicates my original plan of moving things into my apartment (up two flights of stairs, no less).

In the meantime, I continue living out of a suitcase in my parents' house and commuting to and from A2. And speaking of that, I could talk about my job and stuff, but since I'm *at* my job now and probably should, in fact, begin doing it, I'll save that for later.

Words Without Images

It looks like Charter finally got around to killing my web space with them, with the result being that all links to the blog's images have become bad. (Although for some reason I can still receive email from my chartermi.net account.) Well, if I ever get moved into my new place then I'll get a spiffy new Comcast account and then Hemingway, the Tiki Guy, and all your favorites will be back in action.