Live-Blogging the Depression: Stayin' Alive

Last week a number of bigwigs were let go from the home office, management responsibilities were shuffled around, and it was announced that layoffs of littlewigs would be forthcoming within the next 30 days. So while I'm still employed for the moment, it's only because the axe has yet to fall. It's theoretically possible I'll survive, but as noted in the first installment of "Live-Blogging the Depression," I really don't like my odds.

I reckon the good news is that if I get laid off, I'll have more time to devote to rejuvenating this here blog (not to mention cleaning my apartment). I've also already started work on a business site, which is rather unlike me, but hey, I do have a marketable skill that people have paid for and, I believe, will continue to pay for, so why not? Freelance writer, editor, proofer, blogger extraordinaire at your service. Or "communications specialist." Or something. Still haven't decided on my fancy title.

It's time to admit, ferreals, that working for The Man sucks. It's always sucked, but in depressionary times like these, it becomes more abundantly clear how bad it sucks. The wisdom of placing your economic well being in the hands of people who may or may not know what they're doing but who, in any case, don't care if you live or die comes in for some hard questioning. I'm not sure yet what I'll do if I get the boot, but I'm taking the optimistic view that the threat of starvation will at least force me to take a more active role in my own future and maybe do things I'm ordinarily not comfortable doing, and I don't mean appearing on "American Idol."

In the meantime, I've been trying to follow the bad news as well as I can. One site I like, though I admit much of it is pure econo-babble that goes over my head, is Mish's Global Economic Trend Analysis. Mike Shedlock, aka Mish, is a fund manager type who seems to have correctly called the present deflationary environment (this past summer, I was spooked by the possibility of hyperinflation, which I believe remains a threat somewhere down the road) and shuns sensationalistic predictions and such. He also understands that which far too many people, especially those in government, don't: namely, that prosperity doesn't come from government taxing and spending but from private initiative and production. It's good reading as we head into Great Depression II and, apparently, New Deal II.

On Saturday, he posted this snapshot of the depression in New Orleans:



Yikes. Well, I hope I will still be able to afford to go down there and stimulate the local economy during French Quarter Fest in April.

Feelin' Naughty

Super Bowl. Super. Bowl. SUPER BOWL!

SUPERBOWLSUPERBOWLSUPERBOWLSUPERBOWL.

Super Bowl.

Sorry, I just had the sudden urge to steal some intellectual property©®™.

Live-Blogging the Depression: First in a Series

Recently my girlfriend asked me what the definition of a depression is. I told her there isn't one, which is true, but now I'm thinking of the old line that says a recession is when your neighbor loses his job; a depression is when you lose your job.

Based on my reading of the tea leaves, I put it at 90% that I will be involuntarily unemployed around this time next week.

The tea leaves include yesterday's companywide email that serves as a clinic in How Not to Talk to Employees Unless Of Course You Are Trying to Get Rid of Them Anyway. It said, in a tone that can be described only as "assholish":

• Nobody will get a raise in 2009
  
• You will pay more for your medical insurance
  
• You will continue not getting a 401k match
  
• Despite this, everyone will still go through the usual moronic, insulting, and pointless job performance review

It also said the company is hemorrhaging cash and that this fact has nothing to do with the long string of spendthrift, stupid management types and a marketing strategy that consists solely of "COUPON!!!" but is really because we just don't work hard enough. OK, it didn't actually say that; what it said was:

It is more important now than ever for us to focus on performance and evaluate how we measure up. Our organization must be made up of people who have the character, skills, maturity, passion and competitive drive to help us meet the immediate challenges and to drive our future success. As you go through the performance appraisal process, you must be completely honest with yourself and your teams. This is a time when we all need to step up in a way that we haven’t been required to do in the past and we need to have the right people here pulling together to get this company on more firm financial footing.

Anyone who's worked for a big company is fluent in corporatese, so it's obvious this means: "If you aren't happy working even harder for effectively less money than you're making now, we're fine with you leaving because we would fire you anyway."

The email went on to explain that, not to worry, our new CEO, whom nobody has actually met or even seen, has been there, done that and has A Plan. Wonderful.

I haven't had to look for a job in nearly five years, and I know prospects are pretty dismal everywhere right now. Things are about to get interesting for me.

The silver lining? At least I won't have to go through another of those corporate jerk-off sessions known as "performance appraisals."

My Los Angeles Debut: Executive Summary

I finally have a little time to write something about my recent trip to L.A. To summarize my impressions:

• The weather was relatively cool for L.A., but it was much better than Michigan's recent subzero temps (file under: duh)
  
• People for the most part were surprisingly friendly.
  
• The place is the very definition of "sprawl" -- mile after mile after mile of "stuff."
  
• The geography was confusing (to me, anyway) and I didn't understand the political distinctions between neighborhoods, suburbs, and city, or if there are any.
  
• On the surface, it doesn't appear to be a big beer town.
  
• There is more "living history" than I imagined there would be, in terms of beautiful old architecture, established institutions, etc.
  
• Palm trees are cool.
  
• Lots of traffic.
  
• Angelenos seemed fond of Christmas lights and decorations.
  
• Angelenos also love them some psychics, as evidenced by the "Psychic" stand on damn near every corner.
  
• L.A. must account for roughly half of the electricity used in this country.
  
• Of the areas I went to, I think I most liked Old Town Pasadena (and its Ashley's-esque bar Lucky Baldwin's) and Silver Lake, which reminded me a little of Ann Arbor.
  

Of course, the day I returned home it got very cold in Michigan and the temperature out there went from highs in the mid-60s to highs in the 80s. The weather always sucks (again relatively speaking) every time I go to California. Well, except for when I went to San Francisco.

More to come...

Obama Unveils New Grand Plan for the Economy

WASHINGTON -- President-Elect Barack Obama called on Congress to quickly pass a new fiscal stimulus package that would provide nearly $100,000 trazillion gaquillion frijillion in an effort to revive the U.S. economy, which some experts believe has entered a recession.

"Every economist I've ever heard of agrees what we need now is significantly more government investment to offset the negative effects of whatever it is that is happening," Obama said at his Monday press conference. "Accordingly, I and my team of advisors have developed a comprehensive plan that will shore up our financial institutions, put jobless Americans back to work, allow everyone in a house to keep it no matter what, rescue any failing bank or business, provide a hot meal to anyone who is hungry, improve the well being of all citizens, and give a puppy or kitten to every child who wants one.

"But Congress must put ideology aside and act now in a bipartisan manner before some other even worse stuff happens," he added, wiggling the fingers on both his hands to indicate "scary."

Details of the plan were presented by Lawrence Summers, Obama's top economic advisor and one of the plan's key architects. Using a colorful chart with squiggly lines, Summers estimated that 845 jiggashillion new jobs would be created in the plan's first year, with another 491 dubbadillion to follow over the next four years.

"Every American will be able to work two, three, four -- heck, 10 or 20 jobs if he or she wants to," said Summers. "And the best part is the income taxes generated from all these new jobs will actually pay for the plan."

Obama emphasized that not only will all the new spending not impose any additional burdens on the middle class, the plan actually targets tax cuts toward politically favored constituencies and whomever else it seems most expedient to target.

"The American people have spoken," said Obama. "They demand change, and I promise that I and every one of my former Clinton administration appointees will work hard to deliver that change." He also said something about hope and sacrifice and believing.

Other highlights of the plan include:

• $43 nurpillion for job training


• $89 bibblydefrillion for community reinvestment


• $505 frappakrillion for infrastructure and public works


• $732 hominavillion for health care and education


• $986 giggitysquillion for Goldman Sachs

Some prominent voices have criticized the plan, however. "It's a good start, but the president-elect doesn't go nearly far enough," Nobel laureate Paul Krugman, Nobel-winning winner of the Nobel Prize in economics, wrote today in his New York Times column. "We're talking about the need for another $344 grillion chillion beebopaloobillion, at the very least, to get this economy moving again. Also, tax cuts for anybody: Ick."

Congressional reaction was mixed, as House speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) vowed to pass the stimulus package "even if I have to go around and push the 'yes' button for every member of this chamber myself, and don't think I won't" while some senators cautioned that more debate may be needed.

"A schlopparazillion here, a dreedilyhillion there, and pretty soon we're talking about real money," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY).

But Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) was optimistic about the bill's passage, noting that the Senate has already adopted legislation increasing the national debt ceiling to $4,000 pigglywigglyjibbityjabbityfrippityfroppitybadaboomillion.

When asked what safeguards would be put in place to ensure that none of the unprecedented $100,000 trazillion gaquillion frijillion was lost to waste, fraud, and abuse, Obama pointed behind the press corps, said "Oh my GOD! LOOK!" then quickly exited the room.

2009: There Will Be Meatloaf

Internet access has been more difficult than I anticipated, possibly because of my ancient network card, but I've been uploading some pics of L.A. exploits on Facebook, for anyone who gives a damn. Dive bars, cowboy guys, the (postgame) Rose Bowl, and other incidents and accidents are there. More to come, no doubt.

Goin' to California

I'm heading off to Los Angeles for the next week, where I'm hoping for somewhat better weather and the chance to visit some fine Hollywood dive bars. I'll have the laptop, so if I have the time and opportunity I'll do a little blogging. In the meantime:



Catch you in '09.

(Thanks to Verd.)

Detroit Santarchy City

On the night of December 20, hundreds of Santa Clauses descended on the Motor City to bring Christmas cheer, excessive alcohol consumption, and public urination to a downtrodden city sorely in need of a pick-me-up... or at least some "economic stimulation."

It was my first year as part of this disparate crowd, united only by the fact we were all wearing Santa suits (or reasonable approximations thereof) and by our desire to drink beer. The good folks at DetroitSantarchy.net organized a bus to pick up some of us Santas from Ann Arbor and deliver us to Motown, where we took over bar after bar, beginning with Blondie's and (in my case) ending at Union Street.

A good time was had by most. I have a feeling this Santa will be back again next year. For the strong of stomach (like Santa), pictures of the drunkenness merrymaking are here, here, and on the official site here.

Christmas Gifts to Fit Your Cheap-Ass Budget

Layoffs. Bankruptcies. Bailouts. 2008 has been a pretty rough year. And now on top of all the bad economic news, you're supposed to buy Christmas presents for your friends and family? Yeah, right!

Luckily, with all the carnage going on around us, it has somehow actually become cool to save money. So to make sure you stay hip and with it, Suds & Soliloquies is happy to present: The Cheap Bastard's Conscientiously Frugal Gift Giver's Guide to Christmas 2008. You're welcome.

Below, please to find five great ideas for making your last-minute Xmas shopping short, sweet, and -- best of all -- cheaper than dirt:

1. Blocky. Old timers (by which I mean people in their late 20s and up) will remember Orbit, the hi-larious free Metro Detroit weekly alternative that flourished in the 1990s, until their bastard advertisers started stiffing them on payments and they had to fold. Anyway, one of Orbit's best gift suggestions was "Blocky." Blocky was -- surprise -- a block of wood with a drawn-on smiley face and pipe cleaners for arms and legs. Having trouble visualizing how awesome a gift this would be? Well, the graphic design team at S&S has re-created Blocky as well as Orbit's mascot, Orby, below:
   
   
   
   This Christmas, give the gift of Blocky... courtesy of Orby.
   
   Trivia: Quentin Tarantino is rocking an Orby shirt in this clip from Pulp Fiction. (You can drop this bit of hipster cred if your recipient ungratefully dares to diss his or her Blocky gift.)



2. Cash. Everyone likes money, which is why it's the perfect gift for anybody on any given year. I know, you're thinking, "How is cash cheap?" It isn't, really, but when I say cash, what I mean is: all those evil-smelling empties you've been meaning to return for a deposit but probably never will now because there are so many you'd have to take time off of work to get rid of them. Unless... you packaged them up in a nice box, wrapped them, and gave them to some lucky bastard on your gift list. Yeah, you're giving up some revenue, but it'll be worth it to be able to walk, rather than climb, through the kitchen, laundry room, garage, etc. again.
   
   
   
   Why not deposit these under someone's Christmas tree?
   


3. Regift. I don't care who you are, at some point in your life, maybe even last week, someone gave you something you didn't want or else you bought something that makes you now say, "What was I drinking thinking?" Yeah, you've probably already been pawning off your refuse on friends and family for years, but guess what? The rest of the world finally caught on, and now it's become almost socially acceptable to pass along that plastic singing James Brown, Nickelback CD, fruitcake, or inside-the-shell egg scrambler.
   
   
   
   Holy shit, you can still get these.



4. Knowledge. I'm sure you know someone who is lost and confused, someone who could use a little guidance, something that's true and solid in our dark and uncertain world. Think of how grateful this someone would be if he or she received the ultimate gift of knowledge from you! And think how awesome it would be that it didn't cost you a damn thing! That's right, all you need is this someone's email address and a connection to www.scientology.com. Tom Cruise and the boys have a free e-newsletter you can sign the lucky someone up for so he or she can begin to learn the truth about engrams, thetans, and Xenu the Galactic Overlord.
   
   
   
   Can your friends and family become Operating Thetans for Christmas?
   


5. Something from Borders. Some people you just can't give crappy gifts to, and that's why God created coupons. In this case, it's 40% off a book, DVD, CD, and/or other stuff from Borders. So you don't have to feel bad about overpaying for that copy of Gigli or Nickelback's Greatest Hits.

Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!

Why I Love Ann Arbor

Scene: The Fleetwood, sometime around 2am.

Me (wearing a dashiki and Santa hat): You know what you should see is on iTunes? That Cat Power cover of "Space Oddity." It sounds awesome.

Matt: Yeah, it's not on any of her albums. Maybe iTunes...

Random Dude From The Next Table (turning around): You can't get it anywhere. She's coming out with a new album or EP in January and it's supposed to be on there. But right now, it's just not available.

Me: Oh.

RDFTNT: It's a Lincoln car commercial.

Me: Yeah.

Matt (smoking): ...

RDFTNT turns back to his friends.

End Scene

Another Sign of the Recession

The office Christmas party is a potluck lunch. On a Thursday.

The Economic Turmoil Is Finally Affecting Me

A bucket of 20 breaded chicken wings is now $6.99 with my Kroger card, instead of the $5.99 it used to be.

That's it. I'm working on my bailout plan to take to Congress.

It's Turkey Time

I don't know about you, but it's a traditional Thanksgiving around here: turkey, stuffing, cranberries, pumpkin pie, beer, and, of course, the Detroit Lions getting murdered on national TV.

Happy Thankgiving to my many, many readers. Don't eat too much, don't get too drunk, and... ah, hell with it, it's a holiday. Stuff yourself and get wasted. I'm going to.

Then get ready to pick up some Christmas gifts on Monday with a nice 40% off DVD box sets coupon from your pals at Borders.

Cheers!

I Can Has Victory?

"When your team is winning, be ready to be tough, because winning can make you soft. On the other hand, when your team is losing, stick by them. Keep believing." --Bo Schembechler
Go Blue!

* Thanks to whoever uploaded this pic to the Big Ten Network, where I stole it from. Your cat is cute and it's completely awesome you named him "Hemingway."

Ohio State Week: Recycled Humor

It's well known that Ann Arbor is, well, environmentally conscious. In fact, there are more Earth worshippers here than Christians, Jews, and Muslims put together, I think. So it is in that spirit that I present... your 2008 edition of Recycled Ohio State Jokes. Enjoy!

Brought to you, as always, by Neal and Bob

Q: Two third graders were standing next to each other. One was an Ohio State fan and the other was a Michigan fan. Which one was bigger?
A: The Ohio state fan. He was 18.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the OSU library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for two hours.

Q: How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: It's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make Ohio State cookies?
A: Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

Q: What do an Ohio State student and a Michigan student have in common?
A: They both got accepted at Ohio State.

Q: Did you hear about the bus full of OSU fans that got hit by a train?
A: Who cares?

Q: Why do OSU students wear hats all the time?
A: So they know which end to wipe.

Q: What do you get when you drive through Columbus really slow?
A: A degree.

Q: How many pallbearers are needed for a Buckeye funeral?
A: Two: One for each of the garbage can's handles.

Q: What's the difference between Ohio State's football stadium and a porcupine?
A: With the stadium, all the pricks are on the inside.

***

A Michigan student and an Ohio State student are both using the men's room. When they finish their business, the Michigan student heads for the door, while the Ohio State student heads for the sink. The Ohio State student calls to the Michigan student, "At Ohio State, they teach us to wash our hands after going to the bathroom." The Michigan guy replies, "At Michigan, they teach us not to pee on our hands."

***

An Ohio State grad sees an ad for a $99 cruise. So he goes down to the travel agent and hands over the cash. The travel agent hits him over the head with a bat, stuffs him in a sack, throws him out the back window onto a raft and cuts the raft loose. The Ohio State grad wakes up to find himself adrift along with another Ohio State grad. The first grad says, "I hope they serve dinner on this cruise." The second replies, "They didn't last year."

***

A group of Ohio State players are sitting in their remedial English class. The instructor asks, "What comes after a sentence?"

Finally confident they know the answer to something, the players shout, "The appeal!"

***

Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with three people: a cannibal, a mass murderer, and a guy in an Ohio State hat. You have a gun with only two bullets remaining. Whom do you shoot?
A: The Ohio State guy. Twice.

BONUS ALTERNATE

Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with a disgusting pedophile, a violent thug, and an Ohio State fan. You have a gun with only two bullets remaining. Whom do you shoot?
A: What's the dilemma? It's all the same dude.

Let's Get Lost

T-minus... what, something like three months? Then Lost returns to ABC for its fifth season. Official trailer below:



Season 4 comes out on DVD December 9, which is good since I can't remember what the hell happened six months ago or whenever it was when the season ended.

On an unrelated note, here's a 25% off of something coupon for Borders. And a 30% off of something coupon, but you need to spend at least $10.

Ohio State Week: Your Hate Makes You Powerful Have at You!

OK, who wouldn't love to tee off all Jedi-style on Darth Tressel, only without the virtuous, sissy Skywalker act of mercy at the end?



Aw, c'mon! Cut off his other hand, Luke! And his legs! Go go go hate hate hate killkillkill! More like this:



Alas, it's the Michigan Wolverines who are more like the Black Knight this year, and so all I'm hoping for Saturday is a chance for the team to bleed all over Tressel's sweatervest and maybe bite the grey-panted knees off of an OSU player or two. Brandon "Beast-Man" Graham doing a face-dance on Terrelle "Richard" Pryor just once would be sweet, also.

Losses? We got 'em. More than any in a single season for the last 129 years. (I'm sure no Michigan football fan has been reminded of this before.*) But I'm choosing to look on the bright side of the 2008 edition of The Game:

• I won't be sitting outside for three hours, sans beer, while rain, sleet, snow, or some combination of all three causes me to lose feeling in my extremities
  
• I still have a bottle of Konyagi left
  
• Even better, I found a website where I can order more Konyagi
  
• Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

On that last bullet, there's no real difference between 3-9 and 4-8, but fucking up Ohio State's season would, in fact, be priceless.

If not? Dude, I can get Konyagi without having to go back to Tanzania, so what do I care?

* Not really.

Electing to Stay Home

Being a principled nonvoter on Election Day is a little like being a turd in the punchbowl. At least that's how all the people running around today blissfully participating in the American civic religion of statism view it: I'm a downer, a loonie, a crank, a jerk.

They may have a point, in my case. I readily admit to the personality flaws of impatience and irritability, particularly concerning certain human affairs, most notably the modern practice of politics. This is why I've called myself a curmudgeon lo these many years. It is the definition of one, in fact, and it's why I have long known I would make a lousy teacher, parent, or priest.

Voting Is Evil

As to the subject at hand, it's not that I view voting as pointless. Even some active voters admit as much, but they still go through the motions because, "You can't just do nothing." (I don't think not voting is equivalent to doing nothing, but we'll come back to that.)

No, I don't vote because I believe voting -- and here I am talking particularly about national elections -- is a positive evil, a fact that by now should be completely clear but for whatever reason does not seem to be.

Oh, it is possible to get many voters to recognize certain uncomfortable facts about the nature of national politics, such as the often indistinguishable nature of candidates from the major parties (and that there are "major parties"). Some voters seem to understand that large vested interests (Goldman Sachs, for example) play both sides of the fence with political donations, hoping for their state-enabled exploitation to continue uninterrupted, if not to expand. Some voters even get that it's always the same small club of elites who just swap plum administrative jobs every couple of years, regardless of who wins any particular election. Still others are aware of the stories of vote fraud surrounding the increasingly common Diebold electronic voting gizmos.

To top it all off, everyone at least knows something about the illegal and/or immoral activities of the U.S. government, from systematic kidnapping and torture and unprovoked wars that have slaughtered more than a million people abroad to the establishment of a police state here at home that spies on everyone, suppresses free speech, criminalizes dissent, restricts travel, and bullies and plunders us with abandon.

But even as the proverbial horse is presented directly with the trough, he still usually refuses to drink. In other words, despite knowing all that he knows about the voting process and the nature of what he is supporting, the average voter will not take the next logical step and decline to participate in a game that is not only rigged but that is actively harmful to himself and his fellow human beings. Why?

Voting Is an Exercise in Self-Indulgence and Denial

It's an interesting question. I can't read people's minds nor understand their motives and I don't pretend to, but one clue is found in the common responses one receives when one insults or impugns the civic religion (sometimes even simply by saying "I don't vote"):

• "Well, why don't you go live somewhere else then?"
  
  
• "I guess you'd rather we had a dictatorship!"
  
  
• "It's because of people like you that this country is in the mess it is in."
  
  
• "How can you just not care?"
  
  
• "Think of all the soldiers who died for your right to vote!"

A careful reading of each of these responses reveals that, whatever its other merits, none has any logical connection to my decision not to vote. This suggests that for many, voting is experienced as an emotional act more than anything else. Their egos are involved at a fundamentally nonrational level. If you mock the civic religion, you are therefore (so he perceives) mocking the voter as a person. For whatever reason, he invests a lot of his own identity in his chosen party or candidate (hence the importance attached to voting for a "winner" and the immediate dismissal of anyone who "doesn't have a chance").

But more than that, the emotionally comfortable experience of voting rests on the willful denial of what the U.S. government is and does. Now, it is true there have been and are some governments that are even more hostile to their subjects' lives and properties than ours is, at present. But this doesn't change the fact that ours is bad and getting worse, nor that ours presumes to murderously lord it over the entire planet instead of confining itself to one particular region of tyranny.

Many voters will simply consider criticisms of the U.S. government as hyperbole, or as criticisms of the country itself. This is because believing that one can say one is against war, torture, and plunder while voting for all three is much more psychologically reassuring than admitting the inescapable truth, namely, that one's voluntary assent to a system that promotes institutionalized violence as the way to organizing human affairs is simply shameful.

So I confess to being short with people who presumptuously ask "Did you vote?" or who literally wear their voterdom ("I voted!") around like a badge of moral superiority. I have trouble hiding my disdain when otherwise intelligent people flaunt their absurd belief that, despite all evidence to the contrary, they have some say in what a government that employs some four million people, 536 of whom are elected every 2-6 years, does.

Is Nonvoting a Form of Surrender?

Some minority of voters are sympathetic to the argument for principled nonvoting, but nevertheless see it as a form of surrender. To answer them, let's review the (admittedly oversimplified) case for not voting:

Premise 1: The U.S. empire represents a threat to the peace, freedom, security, prosperity, and lives of Americans and of the peoples of the world. (See, e.g.: Iraq War, Afghanistan war, Pakistan war, Democrat and Republican national conventions, Department of Homeland Security, IRS, EPA, FDA, the War on Drugs, etc., etc.)

Premise 2: The people who run the U.S. empire are mainly all the same and have rigged the political game so as to keep their real priorities and policies perpetually out of the hands of voters. (See, e.g.: Wall Street bailout, 2008.)

Premise 3: Voting not only will not change Premise 1, regardless of who you vote for, but it furnishes the same evil government officials with the legitimacy they need to continue committing their crimes. (See, e.g., such pernicious concepts as "the will of the people," "the majority," "popular mandate," "vox populi, vox Dei," etc.)

Conclusion: Voting makes you an active accomplice to serious crimes and enables the commission of yet more crimes.

With the argument framed thus, my question is: Is refusing to participate in the violence of the state a form of surrender, or an act of conscience?

Even Nonvoters Can't Sleep Entirely Soundly at Night

I must note nonvoting is only one step toward obeying the dictates of conscience. I'm not, for example, courageous enough to stop filing my taxes. (At any rate, civil disobedience in the face of state violence is the subject of an entirely different discussion.) Not voting, however, is as of now a perfectly legal and easy way to dissociate oneself from the crimes of the U.S. government. Why would anyone choose otherwise?

Something often said when looking back on how relatively peaceful and open societies collapsed into murderous and repressive dictatorships is, "Why didn't anyone speak up?" That's what I'm doing when I don't vote and when I strongly (if not always patiently and politely) discourage others from doing so.

Voting for evil, supposedly lesser or not, is evil. Don't do it.

'Tis the Season

Forget Christmas. It's certainly nothing against Jesus, but All Hallows Eve, aka Halloween, is my favorite holiday. It's not even close.

A big reason, of course, is because of when Halloween is. I love this time of year. Everything is dying, but it looks beautiful as it dies. It reminds me of our mortality, but also of our life after death. It makes me aware of the supernatural: of the snares of the devil, but also of the souls of the saints. It puts me in touch with my own dark side, whose existence I believe is healthy and necessary to recognize, even as I hope it never gains an upper hand on me.

Above all, this is a spiritual time of year and also a reflective one. At least it is for me.

It's also a great time for zombies and blood and splattered brains and comical looking monsters and stupid teenagers getting slaughtered and everything else the world of shlocky horror movies has to offer. Last year, Dr. Cheese ran down some of his favorite Halloween flicks.

This year, I thought I might talk about some of the dark, mopey, atmospheric music I like to listen to around this time of year. Carols for Halloween, if you will. So without further ado, here are a dozen of the best albums to put you in just the right frame of mind to get your October on:

Bauhaus - Burning from the Inside (1983). The original goth rockers, Bauhaus put out several albums in the late '70s and early '80s, any of which are completely appropriate for Halloween caroling. But my favorite is probably Burning from the Inside, which, apart from the title song (which is unfortunately more than nine minutes of relative suck), is flawless. Between those opening electrifying chords of "She's in Parties" to the final mellow strumming of "Hope," there's a whole lot of awesome to savor.

Bauhaus - The Sky's Gone Out (1982). If any album can take my brain off to some non-Euclidean city of basalt where ancient Cthulhu lies dreaming, it's The Sky's Gone Out, my second-favorite Bauhaus album. The bizarro mood conjured by these 10 songs is hard to pin down, but everything from the chanting of "We love our audience!" in "Spirit" to the plaintive cry of "The sky's gone out!" in the weirdly reggae-tinged "Exquisite Corpse" takes me back to City Club, the 1990s Detroit goth hangout, and I'm again flailing in a strobe light with all the tattoos, piercings, and mascara surging all around me. Peter Murphy's mispronunciation of "Oedipus" in "The Three Shadows Part II" is the best, too.

The Black Heart Procession - The Spell (2006). A somewhat obscure band from San Diego, these guys don't let living in a perpetually sunny and warm paradise get in the way of their ability to put together some serious mope rock. This album tends to run together after a while, but "Tangled," the title track, and "GPS" are quite distinctively good.

Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath (1970). Their first album is their greatest. The cover even says "Halloween" with the creepy cloaked figure standing in front of that old stone house. Then you start playing it, and the sound of a rainstorm greets you, with a tolling bell in the background, and... well, Sabbath may be a tired old cliche in 2008, but in 1970, there was nothing else like this!

Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting (1990). I got the ways and means to New Orleans! I first noticed Concrete Blonde when this, their third album, came out, thanks to a video for the haunting single "Caroline" on MTV's 120 Minutes (wow, it's hard to remember there was a time when there was anything worth watching on MTV). Moody, dreamy, dreary, these songs made me fall in love with Johnette Napolitano's husky voice immediately... and yes, all these years later I'm still in love.

The Cure - Disintegration (1989). OK, yes, there are probably many Cure albums that could go on this list. No argument here. But if you really want to get into that everything-is-dying-or-dead-and-I-might-as-well-be-too mood, Disintegration is what you want. Yes, it includes the relatively upbeat "Love Song" and "Fascination Street" but they can't save you from the relentless bummerdom of "Pictures of You," "Closedown," "Last Dance," "The Same Deep Water As You," and, of course, the title track. And a song about a Spider Man having you for dinner? Pure Halloween, bitches.

Joy Division - Closer (1980). Of course, Unknown Pleasures is great, but Joy Division's second and last album, following Ian Curtis's suicide, contains "Twenty Four Hours," and I'll fight anyone who says this isn't the coolest fucking Joy Division song. (Well, I'll make an exception for proponents of "Day of the Lords," because that's at least arguable.) Anyway, with other songs like "Atrocity Exhibition," "Isolation," and "The Eternal," you see there's no way this isn't on a list of Halloween albums.

Siouxsie and the Banshees - A Kiss in the Dreamhouse (1982). Right, JuJu (which actually includes a song named "Halloween") is the obvious Siouxsie choice, but OMFG, have you listened to A Kiss in the Dreamhouse? This is eccentric postpunk at its absolute pinnacle. "Cascade" alone is worth several lesser albums, whether from Siouxsie or from postpunk wannabes. Following that is awesomely bizarre track after bizarrely awesome track. I'm not sure what happened to my original copy, but I've looked in used record stores to replace it and I can never find one for sale. That should tell you something.

Siouxsie and the Banshees - Peepshow (1988). I'm not a big fan of this album's relatively successful single "Peek-A-Boo," but the rest of it, for no reason I can consciously pinpoint, reminds me of Ray Bradbury's best creepy short stories. Each song is like a great Uncle Ray story, terrible, wistful, beautiful, and a small piece of the mysterious mosaic that is our existence.

The Sisters of Mercy - Floodland (1987). On my first trip to my beloved Ann Arbor, a friend of a friend insisted we stop at a record store (pretty sure it was the old, departed Tower Records) so he could pick up the new album from some band called the Sisters of Mercy. Who? What? We listened to it later and all I remember was thinking the singer had a weird, deep, unpleasant voice. Fast forward a few years to when my then-girlfriend got into Andrew Eldritch and his ever-changing lineup of people who could stand to work with him, and that was when I began to appreciate the Sisters' brand of gothiness. For my money, "Flood II" and "This Corrosion" are the best songs, but the whole album is worth a listen, start to finish.

The Sisters of Mercy - First and Last and Always (1985). If Burning from the Inside makes me think of City Club, the Sisters of Mercy's first album reminds me of 3D, a long-vanished club in Royal Oak. I think it was Tuesday nights we'd go and I'd drink one-dollar well drinks while sweating my dorky ass off on the dance floor to everything from the Sisters to Nick Cave. Again, this whole album is great, but highlights are "Black Planet," "Marian," and "Some Kind of Stranger."

Stolen Babies - There Be Squabbles Ahead (2006). I wrote about this album when it came out (and yeah, I mentioned Ray Bradbury, too, so what?), and while there are several songs on it I'm not too enthusiastic about, the rest of the gothy, heavy metal, cabaret tracks are so original and great as to have me still recommending this two years later. "Filistata," "A Year of Judges," "So Close," "Lifeless," "Tall Tales," and "Push Button" are all standouts.

Guess Who's Back in Town?

It's Little Brother!



And with his older sibling drunk and passed out on pain medication, this just could be the year for Li'l Bro to squirt mustard in big brother's mouth and maybe shave one of his eyebrows off for good measure.

Or not. Let's definitely hope not. Please, God.